nate patrin.


REAFFIRMATION OF EXISTENCE, PART ARGH
September 26, 2008, 2:30 pm
Filed under: Miscellaneous

August 10? Really? Shit. That was a while back.

So what’s it like to come to the conclusion, even if it’s potentially inaccurate, that you don’t have a hell of a lot to say on your blog? Weirdly enough, it’s kind of easy to brush off, especially when there’s a pennant race and a social life and Netflix and working the day job and, per usual, all kinds of freelance writing to distract you. (Well, maybe not “all kinds”; since the unfortunate demise of Paper Thin Walls it’s basically All Pitchfork All the Time.) The less enthused I am about the idea of being some kind of Internet Personality, the less interested I am in the whole blog-as-public-blather-venue deal, and the more I value the circle of friends I already have and, fortunately, continue to expand via more traditional face-time venues.

However: I think that, even if this is more or less just an occasional outlet for notions that don’t fit on a messageboard or a Facebook status update, I’m going to find some way to maintain this thing and make it worth visiting for some reason or another. Announcing any kind of real actual feasible content-wise gameplan seems like it’ll inevitably result in a false start, so it’s good that I don’t actually have any real big idea notion for it yet. And maybe I don’t need one. We’ll see where this goes.

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THANK YOU, ESQUIRE
June 20, 2008, 8:35 am
Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: ,

For addressing one of my primary linguistic concerns. As someone who has been needlessly referred to with this word on more than one occasion in electronic correspondence (usually coupled with its long-suffering running buddy, “hipster”), I hold out hope that this backlash against a worn-out term — the ninja/pirate/robot/zombie reference of calling people out on their shitheadedness — eventually causes usage of this word to subside, though there’s probably no stopping it becoming as indelibly fused to this decade as “gnarly” or “groovy” or “daddy-o” were to theirs.

Meanwhile, here’s some words you may want to use instead when the opportunity to namecheck feminine hygiene products arises:

-dickwrangler
-knucklefuck
-shitheel
-peckerhead
-smarmy-ass motherfucker
-popped-collar prick
-knob (efficient, succint and fun to say!)
-Weiland



FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
April 1, 2008, 11:07 am
Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: ,

My April Fool’s joke: I’m posting to my blog! Oh man you totally got deked outta your shoes there.

Writerly matters first: some guy on Pitchfork (me) thinks you should get the new Lyrics Born album. And if you’ve got some eMusic downloads left over after that, you might as well get the reissue of Sonic Sum’s Films, Guilty Simpson’s Ode to the Ghetto and Blu & Exile’s Below the Heavens.

I typically visit Joe Posnanski’s blog when I want to be enlightened in matters of baseball geekery, but sometimes he’ll lead me to get some entirely different notions running through my head — like today, when he put up a huge list of “Who’s Better” arguments that, since this is the internet, will probably result in a deluge of “you are a crazy person and also wrong”-type argumentation, though I figure it’ll at least be pretty civilized compared to some of the other places I’ve seen this kinda stuff go down. So I thought up a few of my own — and by “a few” I mean way too many — because making people argue is fun.

Bullitt vs. Ronin (and, as a corollary, that scene in Ronin vs. this one)
Godard vs. Truffaut
Halo vs. Half-Life
tuna melt vs. pesto turkey sub (anyone who’s had both of these at Pizza Luce in the Twin Cities will know what I’m talking about)
Nas vs. Jay-Z
Mitsubishi Lancer Evo vs. Subaru Impreza
Sabbath vs. Zeppelin
Jackie Chan vs. Jet Li
Jonathan Lethem vs. Michael Chabon
“The Jean Genie” vs. “Block Buster”
Ferrari 330P 3/4 vs. Ford GT40
Philadelphia vs. New Jersey
Parliament vs. Funkadelic
Metroid vs. Castlevania
Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
King Tubby vs. Lee Scratch Perry
Nike vs. Adidas
Paul Klee vs. Wassily Kandinsky
Minneapolis vs. St. Paul
Catch-22 vs. Slaughterhouse-Five
Salsoul vs. Italo-disco
The Venture Bros. vs. The Tick
Michaelangelo Matos the writer vs. Michaelangelo Matos the b-boy



SIX HOWAHS OF POWAH
January 22, 2008, 11:31 pm
Filed under: Miscellaneous, Music

Why do I look forward to Tuesday nites? Well, reason #1 happens to correlate to the fact that I don’t work on Wednesdays, but reasons #s 2 and 3 are radio-related. Specifically, Internet-streamed, New Jersey radio-related:

The Best Show on WFMU is a program I’ve dorked out over before, but I’m not really sure if my Pfork review did it justice; it takes an exceptionally talented man to get away with bashing Steely Dan and Death Proof without bumming me out and Tom Scharpling is that exceptionally talented man. His particular brand of put-upon, world-weary yet enthusiastic irritability is endlessly entertaining, and not only does he have a good ear for scuzz-rock (and ABBA), he knows the value of good, high-quality comedy, which is why guys like Patton Oswalt and Paul F. Tompkins and Zach Galifianakis make regular appearances. Also making regular appearances: Superchunk drummer Jon Wurster, who plays the oblivious/pompous/arrogant/murderous antagonist foil to Scharpling in a pairing that’s been favorably compared to Bob & Ray. I haven’t actually heard much of any Bob & Ray so I’m assuming this comparison means they’re geniuses.

-Coincidentally enough, the show that immediately follows Best Show is Nickel and Dime Radio with $mall ¢hange, which hits each and every one of my beat-nerd buttons over the course of 180 minutes. An hour and a half into tonight’s show, he’s played Joe Bataan, Budos Band, O.V. Wright, Link Wray, Dynamix II, Roxanne Shante and Biz Markie, and the Rapture. Unbelievably enough, he’s had even more schizoid shows.



2008 SO FAR
January 15, 2008, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Criticism, Miscellaneous, Music | Tags: , ,

Del! Atmosphere! Caroline! The Idolator Pop ’07 deal!

Also: watched The Long Goodbye, Two-Lane Blacktop, The Third Man and the Final Cut of Blade Runner. Two of these movies feature memorably colorful cinematography, one of these movies features memorable black-and-white cinematography, two revolve around dead(?) best friends with questionable morality issues, three feature people being fatally shot (note: definition of “people” may vary), two take place in Los Angeles, two have reoccurring theme songs that have become inextricably wedged in my head, two of them feature lead actors who spend most of their dialogue mumbling inarticulately, two of them feature a lead or co-lead character that I would spend an evening just watching spin bullshit-laden stories for two hours, two feature cats as memorable plot devices, two are Criterion editions, one features Arnold Schwarzenegger in weird-looking ’70s underpants, one features prominent product placement for companies or corporations that no longer exist today despite taking place over a decade from now, and one is probably the only thing prominently featuring James Taylor that I will ever own, much less enjoy.

And: I pre-ordered No More Heroes, which promises to be all kinds of weird. Some sources say that the “gameplay” is a mixed bag, at least according to the kinds of people who think “gameplay” is some rigid idea of Miyamoto-or-bust Innovation! (NOTE: Innovation copyright first-party Nintendo franchises and 10-year-old PC titles; all rights reserved) and not a  preferably (if not necessarily) entertaining diversion on the road to experiencing the fun of a completely ridiculous mise-en-scene.



30 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I CAN START BLOGGING MORE FREQUENTLY
November 20, 2007, 4:10 pm
Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , ,

1: Rip off one of Leonard’s jokes without improving on it.
2: Finish my review of Distance’s My Demons, the best dubstep record of last late winter/early spring, for Pitchfork
3: Also review that new Common best-of, as attempted penance for mildly savaging Finding Forever (which is still terrible, sorry)
4: Somehow procure, listen to and dissect 8 Diagrams
5: Play and finish Mass Effect
6: Play and finish Super Mario Galaxy
7: Bring friends/beer over to play/finish Rock Band
8: Watch the DVD of Diva I bought in Seattle back in April
9: All kinds of crazy year-end music critic list crap
10: Get on the guest list to see M.I.A. at First Avenue
11: Come to think of it, I haven’t really finished Project Gotham Racing 4, either
12: Mull over the sad fact that I am a thirty year old man, one who considers himself somewhat worldly in a cultural sense, that still gets excited about video games
13: Finish reading the Charles Schulz book
14: Also The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
15: Also The Crying of Lot 49
16: Go through the knee-high stack of CDs I have yet to rip to my hard drive
17: Hem
18: Haw
19: Overuse strikethrough tag-assisted “most things on list crossed off are superficial/comedic tasks” gag
20: Find some way to clarify that putting a strikethrough through #10 means I actually already did get on the guest list for M.I.A. instead of meaning that I decided that I suddenly have crippling hipsterphobia and that I should stay home and listen to Real Proper Sincere Music instead, like the Smiths
21: Make fun of Smiths fans for overzealously liking a band with one good song
22: Piss off Smiths fans
23: Envy Christopher Weingarten
24: Remember that I write for him, albeit more sporadically than I should
25: Do google search for Firefox plugin that will prevent any and all “Family Guy” and “South Park”-related clips from showing up in the “Videos being watched right now” menu on YouTube
26: Listen to at least another three or four archived episodes of the Best Show on WFMU, preferably ones centered around the Gorch
27: Listen to that new Burial album front-to-back
28: Assemble all-time team of washed-up baseball players who were the shit when I was in junior high/high school*
29: Drink some beer
30: Overcome aversion to churning out pointless filler

*THE STARTING LINEUP:

C: Benito Santiago
1B: Kevin Maas
2B: Chuck Knoblauch
3B: Howard Johnson
SS: Walt Weiss
LF: Kevin Mitchell
CF: Roberto Kelly
RF: Darryl Strawberry
DH: Cecil Fielder

SP: Dwight Gooden
SP: Scott Erickson
SP: Pat Hentgen
SP: Jack McDowell
CL: Bobby Thigpen

MGR: Cito Gaston